Soap is not a condiment
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize