The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
