My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize