U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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