i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
