So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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