Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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