yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
