i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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