GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize