you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
