and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
