I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize