the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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