Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
