I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You took a bar mat shot.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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