Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
