I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I need to calm my uterus...
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