It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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