my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
