so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
