Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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