No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Can you bring me the toilet please
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
