He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
