Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize