I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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