I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Randomize
