yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
