It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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