dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
