On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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