The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
