Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
