I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
The air was thick with penises
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
