I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
