theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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