Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
