Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Randomize
