I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
