New invention idea: vibrating tampons
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
