I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
