i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
