He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
