this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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