Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
