you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
