It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
