I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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