Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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