i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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