Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
