Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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