Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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