I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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