I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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