I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
