I must be too annoying 4 u.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Randomize
