Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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