it wasn't lemon gatorade
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
