The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
