Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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