I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
